F'ing and Killing and Laughing
by Blackpen Enaru
Summary: Pam is Eric's second, but she will always be first in his heart. Eric regrets his fallout with Pam in TB 4x11 and has flashbacks of their past. Starts with Pam's making.
1. Chapter 1

_Present Day_

Eric didn't know whether he was more angry with himself or Pam. She could have killed Sookie. She had somehow defied a direct order. By being a bad progeny, Pam had proved the depths of her love for him. He wanted to go to her and yell and scream and make himself feel better. But it was daytime, hours till sunset. Until then, he would have to suffice with memories…

_London, England, 1809_

She wrote, and she wrote. Her pen scribbled furiously in the blank pages of her diary. She had to replace a broken nib more than once, and her ink well did not contain enough ink to let her write out all of her laments. Clearly her corset was not the only thing that stifled her, and her diary was the only means of venting.

Eric smiled. He was _very _good at giving women a means to vent. As for the corset, he was good with those too. He watched, amused, as his child-to-be tore the written pages out of her diary, ripped them to tiny shreds, then carried the pieces over to her window. Eric hastily floated out of the way so he would not be seen.

"May God answer my prayers," she announced. With the paper shards still cupped in her hands, she blew the confetti out the window. She stared, hoping a mighty gust of wind would carry her writings to the heavens, but instead they dropped to the ground. She sighed and retreated further into her room.

Eric had watched her repeat this ritual every night. He would be happy to answer this girl's prayers, and he would make an excellent stand in for her God. She would be his. His Pam.

As she embroidered, or whatever it was that women these days did with those needles, he admired her sparking blue eyes, her pale blond hair, and her smooth creamy skin. And those curves! Eric had always wanted a child that resembled him. And he preferred a female, since he intended to consummate every form of love with his new progeny, as a good maker should. She was young and beautiful, and she would stay that way together.

Pam looked up when she heard a distant owl hoot. She flung aside her needlework. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she hiked up her massive skirts and started for the window again. Eric shot up closer to the roof as she started to climb out of her second story window. Eric chuckled quietly. She would make an excellent vampire indeed. He spied her stealthily as she ran from her house and down the street, over to a dark alley. He was able to track her from a distance because of his keen vampire eyesight.

She ran into the arms of a strapping young man. Eric raised an eyebrow. She could do much better. Much. Much. Better. And bigger, for that matter.

"Pam," the boy uttered.

She giggled and blushed and put on her coy act. They held hands and kissed, that was it. Eric was hoping to see more of a show, but the pair did disappoint. Not a problem. Eric would be happy to be her first.

After a boring eternity of chaste kissing and hand holding (not even a slip of tongue!), the naughty little wench snuck back and almost made it home. But _he _was there, in the shadows. Waiting. She gasped. She knew what happened to silly females who walked alone at night. He would mistake her for one of those fallen women.

Pam held her head high so this mysterious man would know that while she wasn't the most proper lady, she certainly was not a lady of the night. She ignored Eric completely as she walked past him.

"I am the answer to your prayer," he told her softly.

She paused in her haughty stride, then climbed her way up to her window. She knew better than to fall for the wily ways of men. They could not be trusted. She would not allow herself to be sullied, even by this beautiful stranger.

Once Pam was safely in her room, she made to shut the window. But she hesitated and peeked at him again. At that, Eric flew up to her. She dropped to her knees and crossed herself.

"You are an angel," she whispered. "God has sent you to deliver me."

"I am no angel, I know nothing of your God," he told her frankly. "I am Eric Northman, and I will deliver you."

Remembering her manners, Pam rose to her feet then swept into a graceful curtsey. "Pleased to meet you, sir. I am Pamela Swynford de Beafort." She giggled slightly. Never had she had such a handsome suitor, and one who could float! He was clearly more than human. "Please call me Pam."

Eric held out his hand, and Pam offered her own. When he raised her hand to his lips, she shivered at how cold his touch was.

"I can take you from here," he said, his eyes gleaming. "We can travel the world together. I will teach you to live, and thrive, on your own."

Pam laughed. "Why would I ever be on my own when I could be with you?"

"We will always be together at first, but at some time we must separate. Then we can meet again. Do not worry about that for now."

"When will we go?" She was impatient, and impetuous. A little bit of a wait would teach her patience. Her training would start now.

"Have a last meal. Bask in the sun as much as you can. Say goodbye to your family. Make peace with your gods. I will come for you in 3 nights."

He whooshed away. Pam stretched her neck out the window, but she could not see him at all.

#

As promised, Eric returned in 3 nights. Pam was waiting impatiently at the window. His lips curved into a cynical smile. She was wearing a white dress and clutching a bundle of flowers. She thought he was his Prince Charming, here to take her away on his white horse. Being like him was hardly a fairy tale. He had been so lonely, but soon he would have his own fairy tale, or as close as a vampire could get.

"Have you done as I told you?"

"Yes. But why did you instruct me to enjoy a last meal and the sun? I am not about to die."

What little she knew. She would die, but she would live more than she ever could in this life.

"Life is not without sacrifices, Pam. You will have to give up all that you know, but I will give you much more."

He leaned into her bedroom as far as the magic would let him, but she stepped away. "We will travel the world together? You will teach me to live, and thrive, on my own?" She was holding him to his promise. Smart girl.

"And much more," he told her gutturally. So much more than she could ever imagine.

Pam cast her eyes down. "I have nothing to give you in exchange," she admitted. "Except…" Her eyes danced beneath her modest expression, and she blushed like only a repressed human girl could. "My most precious gift from God." Her parted lips betrayed the extent of her excitement.

"Which is?" Eric felt his fangs sliding out. His pants had been straining since a long time ago.

Pam blushed harder than ever, keeping her eyes averted. "My _gift_." She was more embarrassed than excited now. "A woman's most prized possession."

"I love opening presents," Eric leered. He would soon shower her with many of his own.

The debutant balked. She had not thought of this. She mulled for a moment, went to her vanity, pulled out a jewelry box, dumped everything out, and offered it to him self consciously. "I hope this will suffice to store my gift for you." She looked nervous, as if scared he wouldn't like it.

"You just emptied it out." He played dumb.

She turned beet red. "My gift is one that you must take from me yourself," she stammered. Was he rejecting her? Her eyes welled up and she stared at her shoes.

Eric lifted her chin to meet his eyes. "What exactly is your gift, Pam?" He wanted to hear her say it.

"My maidenhead," she barely whispered.

He shut his eyes and willed his pants not to tear. "Then let me in."

"Sir, would you please come in?"

The invisible barrier governing all vampires lifted. Eric floated into her bedroom head first, feet up. Pam watched with awe.

He took the box from her hands and pulled out a knife from his pocket. He could barely contain his chuckles as he carved "PAM'S MAIDENHEAD" on the lid. It would make a nice souvenir, a memento. He felt her eyes boring into his large, graceful hands. He smelled her arousal. He put the knife away and carefully put the box down. He scooped her up, took her to bed, and relieved her of her most precious gift from God.

But she had yet to give herself to him completely. It was not until Eric sank his fangs into her neck, she gave herself to him completely. When Eric brought his punctured wrist to her lips, he gave himself to her completely.

#

_Present Day_

Eric checked the time. It was still 11 am. The sun would be high in the sky. His pillow was damp with blood. From the bleeds, of course. He never cried. His eyes just had the bleeds. It was a purely physiological response to sleep deprivation. It had nothing to do with Pam. Nothing at all.

He tossed and turned, then swore. He went to a secret safe hidden in his closet, and pulled out an antique wooden jewelry box. On it was carved "PAM'S MAIDENHEAD."

Eric finally fell asleep while clutching his child's most precious gift from God, which she had found fit to give to him.

AN

At the moment I don't have a lot of inspiration but if there is interest I might continue. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

_Present Day_

Eric hesitated in front of the door to Pam's ranchhouse. She hadn't shown up to Fangtasia all night. He had waited and waited until they had closed. As her employer and her maker, of course he had to discipline her for neglecting her job. Fangasia couldn't run without a bouncer. What bar could?

He pulled out his keys and let himself in. Once he saw Pam, he was going to give her a piece of her mind… First shooting a bazooka against his direct command, endangering Sookie in the process, and now she was flaking at Fangtasia, she would single handedly drive them into the red, and it would be all her fault, what if an undercover with a fake ID slipped in and they got shut down… no, that wouldn't do, they needed her there to keep the place running. Plus she had dared to miss work without his permission. If she thought she could get away with this because she was his child, she was absolutely wrong, he'd show her, yes he would...

Eric gingerly picked his way through the living room area. Pam's nest mates weren't the neatest. He wasn't sure why she chose to live with them. This place almost reminded him of the squalor of the Victorian brothels they used to frequent. Easy meals, easy sex, lots of money. Open late, of course.

He found her in a hammock in the backyard. Although it was only 4 a.m., she was fast asleep with blood smeared around her mouth. Eric grimaced and lifted his foot off the ground, which was muddied with blood. The backyard was littered with corpses with their hearts torn out. The discarded hearts had been drained. Eric smiled ever so slightly. It had been so refreshing to rip out the heart of that annoying hippie witch. His child had picked up one some of his stress relieving methods. Like maker, like progeny.

He made to touch her cheek but drew away when she stirred. He didn't want to wake her. He wanted her to be clear eyed and bushy, or however that human colloquialism went, when he gave her the full brunt of his anger.

"Look at all that fresh blood!" someone exclaimed from inside the house. One of her nest mates.

Eric zoomed away. He'd just send her a pink slip, or whatever it was that human employers used to notify their delinquent employees that "BOSS IS MAD."

#

_1963. Stockholm, Sweden_

"Everyone drinks out of those little boxes with the tube stuck inside," Pam observed. "It looks like fun, but I'll never get to drink out of one of those." She looked sulky.

Juice boxes had just been invented, and it was practically fashionable to be seen sucking on one. Pam cared little for the ways of humans, but she did care about fashion.

"Says who?" asked Eric. He zoomed over to a drunk human lying on the steps of a bar, ripped out his heart, and brought it over to Pam. She stared at it dubiously. Eric peeled off a layer of goop from the heart, then raised the aorta to her lips. "Try it," he urged.

In imitation of the humans, she placed her lips over the opening and sucked. Blood filled her mouth. "It works," she beamed.

Pam had her own juice box.

#

_Present Day_

A goddamn pink slip? Eric had sent her a pink slip? First of all, what the hell was that? And second, they were communicating with notes now? He didn't even want to come see her personally? This was bad. He must be really mad.

Pam crumbled up the piece of paper and tossed it in a trash can. Then she went over to the can, dug out the pink slip, and smoothed it out. It had Eric's writing on it. It might be the most chatter she'd ever get from him again. She pulled out a plastic box from under her bed, and put the pink slip inside with all of her other keepsakes. Her hand brushed against an antique, rusty locket.

She pulled it out. It had once belonged to a prostitute who called herself Chastity.

#

_London, England, 1809_

A beautiful white face loomed into view. Her angel, the one who had delivered her.

"Eric?" Pam asked hesitantly. He looked more enchanting than ever.

"We must go," he said urgently. "I'll find you something to eat soon enough."

Indeed, she was very hungry. She looked around in a daze as she took in her surroundings. Was she in a coffin? Yes. Deep in the ground apparently. Eric floated down to her and pulled her out. He hastily covered her grave. Grave? Was she dead? What was going on?

Eric was an angel of death. He was here to take her to heaven. She could not take her eyes off of him as he whisked her through the streets, into a seedy neighborhood where only drunks and fallen women dwelled.

"This will have to do for tonight," he explained. "Once we leave the city, I can make you more comfortable."

Pam did not hear a word he said. She wanted to eat. And she wanted to have sex with him again. _Sex._ She had not known that _sex _was something that one could _do_. The few times she had heard the word, it had always been in phrases such as "the weaker sex," or "the gentler sex."

Eric kept a firm hand at Pam's waist. Several of the humans leered at her. Fresh meat, unlike many of the sullied sort of her gender that could be found in these parts. Of course, none dared to approach or comment. Not while Eric was there.

Eric stopped in front of a gaudily decorated building and Pam stopped with him. A matronly woman with large breasts and a lacy dress greeted him. She examined Pam with the air of someone purchasing a horse. The madam was accustomed to both lower and middle class women being left at her doorstep. She considered herself a charity, giving unwanted grown women a way to earn their living.

"Yours?" she asked as if they were old friends. "Worry not, Mr. Northman. I'll take very good care of her." Her eyes scrutinized Pam's sweet face. "Will you require a commission or will you take a flat rate?"

"She is mine," Eric responded firmly. "She will stay mine."

Pam felt a little flutter. She wasn't bothered by this unfamiliar and dangerous place. She felt excited. Next to Eric, she was invincible. Eric was everything she needed. Everything she wanted. Eric. Eric. Eric. She only wished she could eat soon.

The madam smiled knowingly. Ohhh. Mr. Northman had quite a taste. There were not many men who brought their mistresses here. Her establishment usually catered to the kind who could afford women for one night, but could not afford or did not want to keep a woman. She led the pair inside, where more women were waiting.

Pam had never been inside a brothel before, or remotely near one, for that matter. She took in the stained velvet drapes, the ropes tied in complicated knots, and the women. She had never seen so many painted faces and false smiles in one place. They surrounded her and Eric, recognizing a wealthy patron when they saw one.

"Pick one," Eric told her.

"For what?"

"Wouldn't you like something that is good to eat?"

The prostitutes giggled obligingly, but only one of them chuckled with genuine amusement. Pam picked her.

"Worry not, we'll be back for more," Eric called, as Pam's selection led them into a private room.

Once in the room, Eric put a chair against the door. The whore draped herself on the creaky bed. "I charge extra if you want to leave marks," she said matter of factly. She understood the significance of the blocked door. If he wanted to beat her to impress or frighten his little blond trollop with the wide blue eyes, then she might as well get paid for her trouble. Then she switched back to seductive. She softened her gaze and lowered her eyes. Pam wrinkled her nose. The sheets smelled like sweat.

"I am Chastity," purred the doxy. Eric knelt in front of her and stared into her eyes.

"You will not feel a thing," he intoned. Chastity's eyes grew blank as she nodded mutely. "You will not make any noise."

Pam shivered. What a voice! She wanted to take Eric right there, and would have if she weren't weak with starvation. The strangeness of everything was lost on her. She feared that if she took her eyes off of Eric, or worried about anything else, he would disappear forever. He turned and beckoned her. She wrapped her arms around him and ran her hands up and down his chest.

"Eat, my darling."

"There is nothing to eat."

Eric pulled his lips back, two of his teeth grew long, and he sank then into Chastity's neck. Pam just stared with her mouth open. She had never seen or heard of anything like this. Eric lifted his head, his mouth covered in blood this time. "This is how we eat."

"I don't think my teeth are sharp enough," she said humbly. She wanted so much to be like him, to be with him, she didn't care if she had to prey on humans and drink blood. She blinked rapidly. Would he scorn her and leave her, if she could not prove herself? She would do anything to please him.

"Of course they are," Eric replied smoothly. He kissed her temple, moved down to her ear, then down her neck. He caressed her breast, then slid a hand up her dress and up her thigh, eliciting a soft moan.

_Schtick. _Pam raised a hand to her mouth with relief. There they were. Two long teeth she had never known she had had.

"There," Eric said triumphantly. "I told you."

Without a second thought, Pam latched onto Chastity's throat and drank and drank and drank. She had never tasted blood before. It was good. It was filling. But it wasn't as satisfying as Eric's approving gaze and his idle playing with her hair.

_Suck, suck, suuuuuck. _Pam managed to get out a few more drops, then there was nothing left.

"Oh. Oh no, there's no more. I think I killed her." Pam wasn't sure whether she was more upset that she had killed a human being, or that there was no more food. She was still ravenous!

Eric looked pleased. Extremely so. He plucked a necklace off of the drained corpse and fastened it around Pam's neck. He took a moment to admire how it dangled right above her breasts. "Don't be upset, my little piglet. I'll get you another." He made to leave but Pam leapt on him, pinning him to the ground and straddling him. Her fangs were still out.

"It can wait," she told him. Eric's own fangs came out as well. He drew her skirts up to her waist, she pushed off his trousers, and once they were freed of their clothes, she sated herself on him with the desperation, devotion, and lust of a new vampire bonding with her maker. The locket that formerly belonged to Chastity bounced on her chest as she moved her body in a way that neither her corset nor the restraints of her former society would have allowed.

A human with her level of experience would not have known what to do on top but Pam was not human. Not anymore. And she was loving it.

Almost as much as Eric. She didn't love anything as much as she loved Eric.

#

_Present Day_

If Eric had not freed her, she would have never experienced an orgasm, never felt love, and never learned the thrill of the hunt. And now, everything was ruined. All because of Bo Peep. Pam would have killed Sookie herself and gotten it over with but she didn't want to cause Eric any pain. She just wasn't used to having to worry about him.

If Eric had not been the maker he was, she would have asked him, as her sheriff, to release her of her fealty to him. She would have moved to Area 3 of New York, where they had great shopping, lots of fangbangers, and a cute, nerdy looking sheriff who did not put humans above vampires.

Eric was letting a human, part fairy or not, to affect his judgment. She still could not believe that Eric Northman, _a Viking warrior,_ had been willing to risk an entire species for the sake of a gash in a sundress. That was the kind of weak leadership decision that Bill would obviously make, but Eric?

All because of that precious fairy vagina_. _Everything that Sookie was to vampires was what Helen was to Troy, Eve to mankind, Ann Boleyn to the Catholic Church.

She feared that all of Area 5 would eventually turn against its sheriff, but she would stand by his side. For better or for worse.

Pam put the necklace around her neck. It was delicate, it wasn't fashionable, and it was aged, but she wasn't wearing it for its aesthetic value.

AN: BOOK SPOILER ALERT

This chapter is dedicated to Clancy, even though he wasn't likeable. (Can you even dedicate chapters to fictional characters?) When hospitalized book Sookie had a face down against dangerous, supernatural creatures that I personally thought had no place in the series, Eric ordered his vampire subordinates to stay by his side and defend her. Clancy found it deplorable that a vampire should fight in defense of a human, and asked to be released from service after the fight. Eric agreed to let him go if he survived. He didn't.

That was one of the scenes that started making me fall out of love with the book series. A man who risks his own life for you may be a devoted lover, but a leader who puts many of his subjects at risk for a single individual (just because he loves her) is a poor leader. I'm sure Eric has made bad decisions in the past, but he can't be this blind. In my humble opinion, Sookie and Eric have been reduced to Bella Swan and Edward Cullen.

Thank you for the interest! They're keeping me going. I was originally going to incorporate these flashbacks into _**Blah Blah Vampire Emergency Blah **_but I guess I can't because I'm not following the Season 4 plot in that one.


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